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What is domestic and family violence?  

Domestic violence and family violence is abusive behaviour used by one person in a relationship to dominate and control another. The abusive behaviour generally has a pattern to it and is repeated. The result is that the person subjected to the violence lives in fear and intimidation. In some cases, the abuse may continue even after the relationship has finished.

The following behaviours are some examples of domestic and family violence:

• Physical abuse such as hitting, slapping, punching, biting, kicking or pushing;
• Damaging property such as the house, breaking furniture or hurting pets to intimidate and frighten you;
• Threats to harm children, pets, family members or you;
• Intimidation and harassment including humiliation, constant criticism, insults, persistent phone calls, following you or staying outside your home or workplace;
• Forcing you to have sex or take part in sexual acts that you do not want;
• Withholding necessities of life such as food, money, medical care and the company of family and friends.

Physical and sexual abuse may not begin until a year or so into the relationship and for many women, this type of behaviour first appears during pregnancy. However, controlling and dominating behaviour may be present at the start of the relationship but can be construed as jealousy, and is often regarded as a compliment or a sign of strong love.

You are not to blame and you are not alone

Domestic violence and family violence often takes place ‘behind closed doors’. In the past it was seen very much as a ‘private family matter’ that society should not get involved with.

It can be difficult for those who are, or who have experienced violence to come forward because they may feel isolated, ashamed, confused or just too afraid to speak about their experiences. Sometimes they blame themselves for the violence because they have been told by their partner on many occasions, that they ‘provoked’ it.

It is important to remember that:

• No one deserves to be abused.
• The person being abusive is responsible for their own behaviour.
• Abuse happens to people from all walks of life, cultures and age groups.
• Everyone has the right to feel safe at home.